Volunteer Diaries

"You Feel a Sense of Accomplishment"

Since becoming a member of the Maine Speakout Project in the fall of 2000, I have been blessed to work with an assortment of co-workers and individuals. Despite the fact that ninety-five percent of my engagements have been at Portland High School, my time and energy spent doing these engagements have been well worth it.

I'll be totally honest: the first time I did a speakout at Portland High, I had my doubts as to whether I would be able to connect with even one person. I couldn't have been further from the truth. High schoolers nowadays are very eager to learn about the different aspects of our society. These young adults have given me nothing but total attention, and respect. They have asked great questions, and have left knowing ten times more than other students about GLBTQA individuals and issues surrounding the community.

I can't wait until next fall, when the season will be in full swing again. I would encourage anyone to get involved with the Maine Speakout Project. Not only are you rewarded by meeting great people, but you feel a sense of accomplishment, knowing that you educated people and possibly have taught them to educate others on a variety of subjects.

--C J Stockford

"Speaking Out Is Quite Empowering"

The group at Colby is always a supportive one. I have been talking to members of The Bridge, the on-campus GLBTQA alliance, since the early 90's. It is always a powerful experience for me, since I was a Colby student and it is where I "decided" to avoid dealing with my sexuality. It is where I met my former wife and moved to the "expected" life of the traditional family.

I can sense a change in Colby during the past 10 years. There seem to be more out gay and lesbian students than in the early 90s, and there is more of an ease about being out in Colby's environment.

I was most impressed by Project Ally, spearheaded by Mary Jo Carlsen and others at Colby. This is consistent with the aims of The Bridge over the years. One of the questions that was most intriguing for me was when we were all asked to describe the importance of allies in our lives. In many ways the allies that I have had in straight friends, who are "fierce" in their defense of my rights and my value as a human being, have been the most powerful agents for dispelling my internalized homophobia. As I said in the meeting, this is a lifelong process.

The students were very curious about the effect of my coming out on the other members of my family, including my former spouse. I told them that my oldest son, although supportive of my gay identity, continues to wrestle with the concept of setting a "lifetime" commitment aside. There is no doubt that this caused a lot of pain for members of my family that I love; but as I said to my son and to the group, we make commitments based upon the best information that we have at the time we commit to something. When information as basic as sexual orientation is "omitted" from who you are, it is logical to think that the commitment is not coming from an equal partner, but rather from the person we think we need to be. I was happy to be able to report that my former wife and I have become close friends over the 11 years since our divorce, and that my children have all been increasingly supportive as time goes on. Where were Will and Grace 10 years ago?

Speaking out at Colby is quite empowering for me personally, both because of my history there and because of the ways in which I can see that I have changed over the past 30 years. The maturation that often happens in college was somewhat limited for me by my failure to understand and accept myself. I am willing to risk much more today and, although that assurance certainly comes with age, it also comes when you feel grounded and at peace with your identity.

--Tim Richardson